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Daffynitions A-C

When Frank Ball was a kid learning English, he wasn’t always clear on the meaning of words. In a business he noticed a sign Off-ice, and wondered if this place was warmer or colder than an ice house. His dad drove a Ply-mouth, and he wondered what eating had to do with automobiles. As an adult, he has learned to appreciate the application of words to unexpected meanings.

Here are his favorites:

A–C D–G H–N O–R S–Z

Abdicate — Give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach — [Believed to be from a Washington Post contest]
Agnostic — One who knows a lot about agriculture [Frank Ball, 15 October 2013]
Air Brakes — How a bird makes a soft landing — [Frank Ball, 28 July 2011]
Air Brakes — What Michael Phelps takes between strokes — [B.C. by Johnny Hart, 28 July 2011]
Alliteration — A country with nowhere to put its trash — [Frank Ball, 9 June 2011]
Antimatter — The wife of Uncle Matter — [Real Life Adventures by Gary Wise & Lance Aldrich, 3 June 2012]
Appeal — What’s left after you eat abbanana — [B.C. by Johnny Hart, 12 April 2011]
Appeal — What you don’t want to step on after eating a banana [Frank Ball, 15 October 2013]
Arbitrator — Arby’s employee who goes to work for a competitor [Frank Ball, 15 May 2013]
Archenemy — Flat feet [Shoe by Gary Brookins and Susie MacNelly, 31 March 2014]
Asphalt — The donkey is to blame — [B.C. by Johnny Hart, 20 February 2010]
Association — A donkey’s social network [Frank Ball, 13 January 2014]
Assonance — Speech that is unbecoming to a donkey — [Frank Ball, 7 March 2011]
Asteroids — A painful posterior relieved by Preparation A [Frank Ball, 1 September 2013]
Avoidable — What people do at the Running of the Bulls [Frank Ball, 1 July 2013]
Avoidable — How to survive a bullfight [B.C. by Mastroianni and Hart, 23 July 2013]
Axiomatic — A machine that chops down trees all by itself — [Shoe by Chris Cassatt & Gary Brookins, 12 December 2010]
Babbling Brook — What Brook becomes after her second glass of wine — [B.C. by Mastroianni and Hart, 26 January 2013]
Balderdash — A rapidly receding hairline — [Believed to be from a Washington Post contest]
Barbarism — Getting my hair cut against my will — [Shoe by Chris Cassatt & Gary Brookins, 6 May 2010]
Barnstorm — When clouds form in the silo — [B.C. by Johnny Hart, 26 October 2012]
Base Metal — What John Paul Jones uses to restring his instruments — [B.C. by Johnny Hart, 2 August 2011]
Behind — The posterior of honey-makers — [Frank Ball, 29 October 2011]
Benign — What you are after you be eight — [Shoe by Chris Cassatt & Gary Brookins, 18 February 2010]
Bluetooth — Condition that occurs when your dentist attempts to answer the cell phone during a routine filling — [B.C. by Johnny Hart, 28 January 2010]
Broadcast — An all-female theater production — [B.C. by Mastroianni and Hart, 9 February 2013]
Brussels Sprouts — Belgian kindergarteners — [B.C. by Johnny Hart, 15 May 2010]
Buckshot — Rudolph’s preferred libation — [B.C. by Johnny Hart, 23 December 2011]
Bulldozer — Matador with a tranquilizer gun — [Shoe by Chris Cassatt & Gary Brookins, 11 January 2011]
Burglarize — What a crook must use to decide what to steal [Frank Ball, 15 May 2013]
Butter — A habitual contrarian — [B.C. by Johnny Hart, 17 November 2012]
Byproduct — A manufacturer’s desperate plea to customers [B.C. by Mastroianni and Hart, 27 April 2013]
Caesarean Section — The neighborhood around the emperor’s palace — [B.C. by Johnny Hart, 9 June 2012]
Camelot — Where one must go to purchase a used dromedary — [B.C. by Johnny Hart, 20 September 2002]
Campaign Promise — Something that repeats itself every four years — [B.C. by Johnny Hart, 15 September 2012]
Canned Ham — Actor fired for overplaying his part [Shoe by Gary Brookins and Susie MacNelly, 31 October 2013]
Capital Punishment — Texting in all lower case — [Frank Ball, 9 October 2010]
Carburetor — Vending machine for foods high in sugar and starch [Frank Ball, 13 January 2014]
Cardboard — The group that makes decisions about poker rules — [B.C. by Johnny Hart, 25 June 2011]
Carpe Diem — Fish of the Day — [Shoe by Chris Cassatt & Gary Brookins, 8 October 2010]
Carpool — Facility for drive-in sunbathing — [Frank Ball, 9 October 2010]
Chili Dog — A Mexican hairless on an Alaskan vacation — [B.C. by Johnny Hart, 23 June 2012]
Chiropractors — People who live in the city near the pyramids — [The Middletons by Ralph Dunagin and Dana Summers, 14 May 2011]
Circumvent — An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men — [Believed to be from a Washington Post contest]
Claustrophobic — Someone with a paranoid fear of bearded men in red suits — [Frank Ball, 25 December 2010]
Cloud Computing — Using your laptop on an airplane [B.C. by Mastroianni and Hart, 11 June 2013]
Club Sandwich — Food for members only — [Frank Ball, 23 October 2010]
Cluster Bomb — Re-release of all six Rocky movies in 3-D [B.C. by Mastroianni and Hart, 7 May 2013]
Coffee — The person upon whom one coughs — [Believed to be from a Washington Post contest]
Cold Cuts — Ice hockey tryouts — [B.C. by Johnny Hart, 1 December 2012]
Congress — The opposite of Progress [Frank Ball, 13 January 2014]
Conscience — What hurts when everything else feels great — [B.C. by Johnny Hart, 27 July 2012]
Console — Fish special at Southeast County Penitentiary — [B.C. by Mastroianni & Hart, 23 March 2013]
Contest — A parole hearing — [B.C. by Johnny Hart, 24 January 2009]
Control Freak — One who uses four remotes to get one good show on TV [Frank Ball, 1 September 2013]
Cornish —Kinda like corn, but not quite —[B.C. by Johnny Hart, 23 October 2010]
Countdown — When nothing seems to add up — [B.C. by Mastroianni & Hart, 10 March 2013]
Counterfeiter — Kitchen granite installer [Frank Ball, 1 July 2013]
Country Bumpkin — What farmers attach to the front of their tractors to absorb crashes [Shoe by Gary Brookins and Susie MacNelly, 20 January 2014]
Crankcase — A lawsuit for no apparent reason — [Shoe by Chris Cassatt & Gary Brookins, 14 June 2010]
Critical Mass — A hell-fire-and-brimstone church service — [Frank Ball, 25 January 2013]
Cross Training — Management by intimidation — [Frank Ball, 27 January 2013]
Crossing the Line — A good way to get slapped by an adjacent fisherman [B.C. by Mastroianni and Hart, 23 June 2014]
Cuisine — Tests in booklet form — [Frank Ball, 3 February 2011]